Transformations in the Telling
The time is here...
for you, for us and for all we love.
A glimpse into the transformation of an Emergent Woman's Soul Journey can't be fully expressed without sharing my own experience.
After all, it's how we each came to this time and space, as mentor-minister to women who find themselves (quite literally) on this path. (If you are familiar with the 5 Stages of this transformational Soul Journey, you'll see it in my story.)
Since childhood I was driven to create, succeed, improve myself, to learn and apply my varied interests to practice. Inspiring to some, an irritant to others. I felt both revved up by my own ambition, and like I could never get where I was sure to be heading. Everything seemed like a test; and my existence required that I find the best answer to every equation, challenge or problem on my test. Sound familiar?
It wasn't all hardship. I loved learning. I loved the high of creating something new, shaping experiences and discoveries for myself and others. I studied mysticism, psychology, did yoga and meditation, and read books none of my friends heard of. But something was not quite *right* with me, inside, in my thoughts, my emotions, my knowing.
From the deep recesses, echoes were sounding with the call of my Soul, "Come Home."
And BAM! My descent begins. Car accident. Long time lover and man-friend breaks up with me -- get this. A slow, near-death of my business. Injuries wouldn't heal, pain wouldn't subside. Bank account went from black to blood red. I lost my home. I moved in with my parents. Clients -- who used to be lined up to work with me -- were now not there.
Committed to find the answer, to recover my losses, to get the next client, to get back my rejecting lover. Some solutions worked for a while. I sat in meditation. I formed mastermind groups. I wrote and delivered new speeches. I buried my self respect. I got to continue having sex even if a part of me died each time. I continued to coach and offer spiritual counseling, but looking back, I have no idea how I could have; and it was the only time that I didn't feel like I was drowning.
A glimpse through a crack: I heard of an ancient poem, that may date back to 3500 BC. (Yes, it's a long time ago.) Jungian analysts use this myth to map a "feminine descent." That's where I was: descending. Deep into the dark crevasse of the Underworld. Raw. Stripped bare.
I was relieved to hear the most gruesome aspects of the dissolving experience. I could see. Oh, my gawd, I could see. This experience was not just about me, it wasn't even unique to me. More than that, it wasn't even about what era I was born in or who my parents were or that I grew up in the midst of the feminist movement, or any other condition of my environment. This was a soul-level transformation. A Soul Journey.
Oh, the grace of a glimpse through timelessness and space. I felt for a moment I could breathe..
You may want to hear me to say, and that's all it took. But you know that was not "the end" of difficult times. Transformation does not happen through a glimpse of insight. It comes through moving into a new way of BEing that the glimpse awakened.
Guided by my dreams and other expressions of the language of my soul, I stopped fighting against and began to truly surrender to the Call. Releasing illusions of identity, I surrendered thoughts, beliefs, habits, values, lies, belongings, titles, that shackled and defined me.
Internal as all this sounds, and like one might have to go live in solitude to do it; I was managing director and spiritual guidance counselor for an international company. I lived the life of a monk, deep in spiritual study and service; and I had a highly visible and influential position. (Can you hear the dance between the masculine and feminine at play here, the spiritual and the ordinary: dance this Soul Journey invites you into.
My vision for Life seemed both new and restored. My appreciation and deep understanding for all of life as sacred was unlike what I'd known before. Innate Wisdom had always been in me, accessible except now I wasn't rejecting by mySelf, my Soul, my Divine expression, or the grace of my Calling to serve humanity at this time of great change.
Emergence. It means Integrated, Whole, living from the meeting place of masculine and feminine, Divine and Human, above and below, mystical and practical. A convergence takes place again and again. And again.
There is no destination along this unfolding, spirally journey. I continue to discover deeper understanding of it through you.